How Dad Culture Shapes Our Views on Fatherhood and Masculinity

Admittedly, the impetus for this post comes from an Atlantic article that was behind a paywall that I couldn’t read, but here I am riffing on Dad Culture . . .

Have you ever thought about the way we talk about Dad Culture – Dad Jokes, Dad Bods, Dad Rock, Dad Core? Lots of fun – and I’m all for a good laugh and lounging comfortably – but there’s something that doesn’t sit right with me about it all. There’s a detached superficiality that comes with the way we talk about Dads. It’s almost as if there isn’t much to fatherhood beyond flipping meats on the grill, wearing our too-loose khakis and Under Armour polos, while sharing a love of puns.

Think about the dopey dad we’ve all seen on TV. You know, the overweight, clueless guy who stumbles through parenthood, often making us laugh but befuddles us with their behavior. Think Homer Simpson, Phil Dunphy from Modern Family, or Peter Griffin from Family Guy.

The problem with the dopey dad trope isn’t about entertainment—it’s about how it influences our ideas about fatherhood and masculinity. When we constantly see fathers portrayed as bumbling fools who can’t handle simple tasks, it sends a message that men aren’t as good at parenting as women. It reinforces old-fashioned stereotypes and downplays the importance of dads in family life. It also affects how we view ourselves. Constantly being shown as incompetent can really take a toll on self-esteem and confidence as a parent and as a man.

And, when we focus on “Dad things” as solely superficial traits that are part of our DNA, we lost out on the depth and complexity of men’s lives. Men aren’t just corny and boring and badly dressed. We can be nurturing, capable, and deeply involved in the lives of our families. By sticking to the same old stereotypes, we often overlook the rich and diverse experiences of manhood.

The way that we talk about men and fathers in our culture probably won’t change anytime soon, and neither will the Dad tropes we see on TV. But, what can change is the way we show up for the men in our lives and the recognition we give them for the work they do. When you see men showing up for their families, their friends, their communities – let them know you see them.

We can also live the values we don’t often see from Dads on TV by being intelligent, mindful, and kind so that the men who are looking at us see themselves reflected back at them.